Forget finding the man of your dreams

Forget finding the man of your dreams

Perhaps Timberlake said it best when he proclaimed 'Cry me a River.'

The moral of that song is that nobody cares.

So your asian, west indian, Italian, American white knight hasn't come to wisk you away, or maybe he has and you let him gallop right by you.

Ladies it's time to relinquish your fantasy that he's coming to rescue you.

You're stuck here with the rest of us peasants trying to navigate the modern dating scene.

It's not that I don't believe in romance. I'm hopelessly enchanted with love and the possibility of divine union. I'm just not sure I'm the guy for your quest.

That's because my supreme confidence does not extend into your mythological world.

Not even I, the great Wong, can conquer or change the expectation developed in your mind of the man you deserve, desire and demand.

It took me some time to accept that. I can do ALL things. Except become someone I'm not. 

I am not who you want me to be. Nor will I ever be. And for that, I'm truly NOT sorry.

Love and relationships are not about you finding the alpha wolf of the pack that fulfills your ideal mating criteria. Well alright that might be scientifically accurate BUT you're the evolved divine sacred female, you require more, much more to realize transcendence.

And so the list begins.

I have a beautiful friend that keeps a note on her phone with the characteristics of her Dream boy. Would you believe it's got a hundred fuckin items? I shit you not.

Poor guy has a better chance of pissing into the wind.

We don't find love looking for perfection. Perfect is love.

Sorry to get all sentimental, but it's sorta true that real genuine love, the solid stuff, is all about supporting the soul as they are.

I don't want anyone to hang their dirty laundry on me. I have enough self doubt, esteem and confidence issues on my own, that I need to live up to your expectations also?

Relationships aren't some contest of which couple can be the prettiest and richest. To be perfectly honest I have no idea what they're about.

On paper they're about support, freedom, honesty and intimacy.

But in the real world they've become swipes, cheap dates and 3 months of sex until never speaking again.

So we do what every respectable girl does and wait for the One.

Or worse, you actually find him. Yikes.

Sure you're happy. You got the mutha fucka you wanted. Trapped that fool.

But what about him?

How's he going to handle all of that pressure to perform?

Maybe he's a soldier. Like the perfect guy. (Heart eyes emoji) And can pretend to fit your image for a while. Or maybe he's like every other guy and huMan on this pea sized planet and he's full of shortcomings. Not that I'm short, cuz I'm not.

But maybe he doesn't require your evaluation or judgement or expectations. Maybe, like the rest of us, he needs to be accepted, stupid tattoos and all.

I see too many men being butt whipped into unhealthy emotional, financial and sexual relationships because let's face it, woman have power.

The power of the P-U-S-S-Y is the most influential of all time. It's the MVP of make shit happen. Men would be living in caves if it wasn't for women. You hold the lock. All we have is a pesky key.                  

Don't waste it with the idea that there's this perfect fit. Glass slippers can't be that comfortable.

But that doesn't mean you won't find one (or a pair) that does make you comfortable.

Although he's probably passed you by six times because you're still hanging onto the hope that the last one was good on paper. Or that the next one will be.

I'm certainly not saying to not have standards. But make sure you meet the standards you're setting yourself first. 

Stop to consider that you might not be his dream girl either. That things might not always be perfect. But that won't stop you from being honest with each other. Or being supportive of each other.  Or growing with one another. Despite how long the title lasts.

The reality is that the typical relationship biography doesn't just have one chapter. It is filled with many climaxes, many lessons and multiple men, err women. Whatever

Ladies you have many men in your lives. Not all necessarily romantic. Husbands, brothers, past and present lovers, friends, dogs, all this masculine energy most without the complications of sex. Take advantage.

The likelihood of one man being able to fulfill your impossibly imperfect and fantastical philosophy of what will make you're hearts content is low. I mean maybe if I was 6 foot.

But really nobody is perfect. We're all a little fucked. However, collectively you have men with the qualities, characteristics and values you want in a romance.

My suggestion is to continue to invest time and energy in surrounding yourself with men like them instead of chasing a mythical unicorn man.

They're here now. And although he still might ride in on his steed, when he arrives you'll be less distressed. And better prepared to understand a man of his honesty, intimacy and clarity. Assuming those are on your list.







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